Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Is Sex Addiction Lethal?

I have the chance to talk about sex addiction with a lot of people.  Today I had someone who mentioned that they did not believe it was lethal.  "You can't die from too much sex."
 
I suppose it is true that the act of sex usually cannot be, in and of itself, lethal.  However, I've had many experiences with folks who were dying or later died as a result of their sexual experiences.  Causes of death were things like HIV, risky partners, jealous spouses, and, of course, suicide. 

HIV is pretty self-explanatory. Most clients who have a history of engaging in anonymos sex with strangers can tell a story (or two) about accidentally winding up with a masochist (I remember a client for whom this experience was her bottom... her story was utterly, completely horrifying...)  Anytime a person goes to bed with a stranger these days there is some risk... As far as jealous spouses, does anyone remember Phil Harmann from Saturday Night Live?  The details never came out, but I have often speculated that perhaps that was what we were seeing...

Also, there are specific types of sexual expression that can be deadly by accident.  I recall reading a story of a well respected member of a community who was found dead in his bathroom after accidentally hanging himself while auto-asphyxiating (the practice of strangling oneself to increase the potentcy and speed of orgasm). 

Finally though, I would say the most common cause of death is suicide.  My experience is that the majority of those I have treated for sex addiction have stated that at one point they were actively considering taking their life or engaging in life-threatening behaviors (masturbating while driving 110 mph, etc). 

It's also wise to remember that many of the Don Juan type of sex addicts play heroic roles in their family of origin.  These are folks who kill themselves in a way where noone knows it happened.  "He fell asleep at the wheel" or "his plane crashed..."  Obviously I do not mean to imply that all deaths of this sort are suicides, but when I have a client who values his or her image (An axample might be someone like elliot spitzer) and they talk about their plans for suicide, it is typically stuff like this.

So, while I do agree with the idea that the act of sex is not lethal, I would assert that within certian groups some forms of compulsive sexual activity can contribute to an early and oftentimes unpleasent demise.

No comments: