Adapted lost children

The wallflower piece can actually be one of the most acute types of trauma an individual can go through, and it's also frequently one of the most difficult because the trauma is so covert. Children become scapegoats by meeting the negative attention needs of their parents - it is very common for "wallflowers" who are typically referred to as "lost children" in family systems therapy, to be very well-behaved for the first 12 or 13 years of their life. They may present as shy or well-adjusted, but they are inevitably profoundly lonely and beleive that they are inherently flawed. Usually in Jr. High School this loneliness becomes so overwhelming that they'll adapt to take on one of the other roles, that is hero, mascot, mediator, or scapegoat. One way to know if you did this is to ask yourself "what's my worst fear?" If the answer is "being ignored, misunderstood or not heard," then it's probably a safe bet that your role in the family system was lost child...